


Coffee & Crisco

by Kyrakat



Category: Scorpion (TV 2014)
Genre: F/M, M/M, Multi, Polyamory, there should be smut but alas there is no smut: maybe someday
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-13
Updated: 2016-01-13
Packaged: 2018-05-13 17:47:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5711404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kyrakat/pseuds/Kyrakat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>So, Walter with his eyes on his watch and his hand on his phone in case an ambulance had to be called, watched a bunch of oiled up men slide down a hill on a glorified slide-n-slide. To his surprise, it took eight whole attempts until someone finally hit their head on a rock.</p>
<p>OR</p>
<p>Not wanting their sexual tension to hinder the team, Paige sets up a distraction for Walter...only to have her plan backfire.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Coffee & Crisco

**Author's Note:**

> Have some surprisingly tame fluff about sexual desire, set directly after Fish Fillet.

Despite his new friend’s reassurance, the Timer did in fact end up in his underwear. If you ask Walter, it’s entirely Paige’s fault. Ray would say it’s probably due to the sheer amount of oiled up men, but hey, he’s certainly not complaining. Paige didn’t care either way.

Some of the guys had already started setting up by the time the two made their way to the top of the hill, and Walter knew immediately that this was not only a stupid idea, but a dangerous one. It was stupid dangerous.

“Um...Ray? Have you done, uh...whatever this is before? Because I’m not sure you should. The, uh, angle isn’t conducive for--” Walter stopped short when Ray clapped a warm hand on his shoulder and squeezed.

“C’mon bud, think of it like an experiment, you do those right?” he asked, only continuing after Walter gave a dubious nod. “Me too! I’m all about experiments, man. You’re right...as always. I probably shouldn’t help set up a makeshift slip-n-slide with nothing but a tarp and some baking supplies, but hey! That doesn’t mean I’m not gonna do it.” Ray grinned and released Walter so he could go help his other friends figure out how exactly they were going to make the tarp stay in place.

Walter should have helped, but using Ray’s logic in Ray’s world, decided that just because he probably should doesn’t mean he’s going to not NOT do it. Besides, he found the interactions of the men to be incredibly fascinating, so he stood back and observed. 

He had already figured out that Ray was the type of person to be comfortable in any type of situation, around any type of person, but watching these guys, from all various walks of life, return his friendly jabs or laugh along with him...it made Walter wonder if he missed something. For a second he even entertained the question of why Ray kept insisting they hang out together, when Walter supplied no encouraging signals until today. Why would he want to hang out with someone like him, someone who sometimes has a hard time having fun and letting go, someone who probably doesn't share any of the same hobbies or interests, in the first place? He didn’t seem to have a problem making friends, so he didn’t need to hound Walter...so, why?

It was at this point when the clothes came off. Walter did agree to being in this situation so he fought the urge to ashamedly look away. His friends were all private people, so even though he knew the stipulations of the game, it took him a second to get used to it and adjust. Still, he was largely uncomfortable with the sight in front of him. He was especially uneasy with the sight of Ray, who was laughing as another pseudo criminal playfully helped him out of his pants. Walter had no choice but to avert his eyes, only to have them land another mostly naked man. He told himself unless he wanted to be a bigger fool than he already felt, and awkwardly look either directly up, down or behind him, he had no choice. He HAD to let his eyes slowly wander down past biceps, past abs…

This wasn’t a new experience for him, not really. He was used to finding people of all genders pleasant to look at, if symmetrical enough. Besides, even he has had urges that had to be taken care of one way or another, and although mostly he took care of them himself as if he was doing chores, he has had...equally pleasurable experiences with both men and women. He didn’t have a preference...well, he didn’t have a preference before Paige, but she was in a completely different category. It felt wrong thinking about her as if she was just a means to an end, a casual encounter. Would he prefer to sleep with her over anyone else? Yes. Would he feel like he’s not qualified in any way and make a complete idiot out of himself? Oh, yeah, absolutely. Did he actually believe a situation in which he would have to prove himself in such a way was in the realm of possibility? Scientifically, it was, although he couldn’t quite wrap his genius level mind around it. 

Speaking of his genius mind, it sometimes forgets that anything is happening outside of it, as evidenced by the fact that while he was taking a stroll down a sexy memory lane only to stop at the mere possibility of Paige being part of it, he was still staring at guy in front of him. The man gave him a grin, before Walter sought out the only person he even remotely knew. Ray was getting his thighs oiled up from a completely different man from before and when Ray looked up and caught Walter’s eye, giving him two thumbs up, Walter’s genius mind finally discovered the answer to his question.

Ray was hanging out with him because he somehow sensed his slight tendency to sleep with men. Surely, Walter thought, Toby wasn’t being serious when he talked about gaydar and Walter not having it, right? The only logical conclusion he could come to was that Ray had behaviorist skills of his own.

He was sure that Ray just felt a sense of kinship, shared experiences and interests, and that’s why he kept insisting they become friends. His started to doubt himself, which is NOT an experience he’s incredibly used to, when Ray held up a tub of Crisco and pointed to it, his grin turning into an overly dramatic pout when Walter didn’t make a move. Ray shooed away the man whose face was now directly parallel with Ray’s crotch, and he walked away looking disappointed. 

Ray happily skipped up to Walter, who tried his best to not notice anything about his new friend’s body. Especially the symmetry. Or how his muscled shoulders glistened. Nope. 

“Wally!” Ray ran up to him happily, reminding Walter of a puppy he had as a child. In a simile sense of course, as a lot of other things about Ray was largely unpuppy like. 

“I thought you said the Timer wouldn’t have to strip and uh, oil up,” Walter said, running his fingers through his hair and looking more at the ground than at Ray.

“Right you are, I thought I would just make one final offer before the festivities begin. Besides, you need to come closer if your timing is going to be accurate anyway,” he grinned, pulling on Walter’s sleeve.

“You smell horrible,” Walter commented, not even sure if he was being completely truthful. While the scent was overpowering, it did remind him of cookies.

“Ah, the smell is half the fun, broseph!”

-

To Ray’s dismay, he lost the rock, paper, scissors tournament and didn’t get to go first. In fact, he lost the thumb war battle to see who got to go second. Then he lost several staring contests, burping competitions, and guessing games and was ultimately stuck 12th in line. This time his pout was real and he grumbled under his breath and sadly kicked at the dirt. Walter found it almost endearing.

So, Walter with his eyes on his watch and his hand on his phone in case an ambulance had to be called, watched a bunch of oiled up men slide down a hill on a glorified slide-n-slide. To his surprise, it took eight whole attempts until someone finally hit their head on a rock. 

“Don’t you dare dial that phone, bro!” the injured man yelled from the bottom of the hill. “Technically I’m breaking parole.”

“Okay, let’s see you walk in a straight line, then,” Walter yelled back. The man made an attempt at the request. “See, I’m pretty sure you have a concussion there, pal!”

“He always walks like that, dude,” Ray whispered to him, nudging him in the side.

Number nine ended up hitting a bump in the ground and went flying, only to land with a thump in the dirt. 

“I’m...probably fine,” his weak, winded voice said, “Or I’ll be in the long run. Most likely.”

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Walter asked, turning to Ray.

“Oh, yeah, I’ve done way worse than this. Besides, I’m sure this next guy will be fine.”

Ray wasn’t wrong. The 10th contestant on “So You Wanna Pretend You’re Far Younger Than You Actually Are” went down smoothly and without a hitch. The 11th guy, however, went spinning out of control and rocketed into the woods next to the hill.

“It’s your turn, pal,” Walter said, slapping him on his ridiculously sturdy back, “unless you want to get out of here and not, uh, potentially maim yourself.”

“What’s the odds I do end up worse for wear? Not that I’m scared, of course, just that I don’t have insurance.”

“Oh...uh,” he quickly came up with 46.7% but he slid his arm so it was around Ray’s shoulders and said: “Yeah, it’s 100%. Just, guaranteed. Yep, you’re definitely getting injured. You can still take your turn if you WANT but...yes it’s 100%.”

“Oh, well you can’t argue with the math,” Ray said solemnly. He scooped up his clothes and quickly pulled Walter away so they didn’t get stuck with clean up. Walter was much more comfortable with being pulled around by the smaller man in front of him than he was before.

The walk back to their vehicles and the site seemed longer than the walk to the hill. Walter knew, of course, that the walk back couldn’t be any longer than their previous walk, and only felt so because he was trailing a bit behind Ray who had still had not put his clothes on. His concentration and effort to not notice how the muscles in his back moved or how compact his body was, made time seem slower than it was. Instead of torturing himself, Walter jogged up to Ray. 

“Hey, how’s the view back there?” Ray asked, grinning. Walter ignored him.

“Can I asked you a, um, personal question?”

“Yes I’m gay,” he responded without hesitation. 

“What?” Walter asked, taken aback by the bluntness, despite the fact that his question was going to subtly check his hypothesis about Ray. Subtly, however, being the key word.

“And yes I know you’re bi,” Ray said, shrugging. “Or poly? Pan? Assumptions make an ass out of I and you and all that and stereotypes kill the cat, but c’mon man, we all saw you staring at Jeff today.”

“What? I’m not--” Walter started before realizing that yeah, he could possibly be bisexual. Or various other prefixes Ray was listing off. Or something. He always had bigger things to think about but still shoved that aside to deal with at a latter date. “Was he the one who most definitely has a concussion? Wait, no, forget it, that’s not what I was going to ask.”

“Okay, shoot.”

“Why...why else did you decide to strike up this friendship? We have nothing else in common. Plus, I doubt that you befriend every guy who has ever, uh, been intimate with another man,” he asked, tripping over his words.

“First, that’s adorable just so you know. Play up that ‘I’m a genius but can’t talk about sex without sounding like an idiot’ stick with Paige,” Ray said, mimicking Walter. Then he got serious, or as serious as Ray can get...especially while in his underwear. “Uh, I guess because your first day on the job I saw your pal drive by and he kinda seemed like an asshole. So I started thinking, jeez maybe all of this guy’s friends are assholes. Now I know that assumption was false, but hey, I thought a guy could use a friend who’s not a total asshole.”

“I see. That’s very thoughtful of you,” Walter said, his expression softening into something like bemused, flattered confusion. “So that’s the only reason you've been hounding me to hang out with you the last week…”

“Jesus, Wally, do ya own a mirror?” Ray laughed, despite literally not owning a mirror himself. “You seemed like you needed a friend, plus you are very, very, very good looking,” he spelled it out for him.

“Oh. I-I’m, uh, flattered. Really,” Walter managed to get out, “But. um, you mentioned Paige earlier…”

“Oh yeah, you two are adorable. Real beautiful couple,” he said sincerely. 

“It’s actually, uh, not like that,” he said, unsure on why he was telling Ray this, “we aren’t technically together.”

“But you love her.” It wasn’t a question.

“I -- I care about -- uh I -- I don’t...even know what that would feel like,” he stuttered, exasperated. “She...confuses me.”

“Well, I’m confused quite a bit but I never let that stop me. If she’s important to you, you should go for it anyway,” Ray shrugged.

“She’s...she’s too important. To the team,” he said, trying his best to formulate sentences, “You may have noticed that I’m not great with human, uh, interaction.”

“What? Nooooo,” Ray said, feigning shock.

“The majority of the team all have varying degrees of, um, trouble relating to the outside world and properly connecting to people who are unlike ourselves. Paige helps with that.”

“Hey man, you agreed to come to an adult slip-n-slide party with a bunch of felons,” Ray said, as if that fact would automatically make him a people person.

“To be completely honest, Paige was the one who convinced me to go out with--I--I mean to give you a chance--or--or to find friends outside of the garage,” he stuttered as they approached their cars.

“So, lemme get this straight,” Ray paused to raise an eyebrow and accommodate Walter’s grumbling. He then put on his best genius voice. “The woman you have the hots for, who also has the hots for you -- don’t argue I saw you two lovebirds together -- told you, ambiguously bisexual Walter O’Brien, to give me, your new and in no way ambiguously gay friend, a shot.”

“That was the general message, yeah,” he said, sounding exhausted, as he leaned up against his car.

“You’re a genius and you’re not pickin’ up what she was layin down, man?” he asked, breaching Walter’s ideal personal space bubble.

“Um, what exactly am I supposed to be ‘picking up,’ exactly?” Walter asked, using an irritated tone and air quotes more as a defense mechanism than an indicator of what he was actually feeling. Ray wasn’t in the least bit discouraged and continued to step towards him until they were a bit closer than Walter would ever stand with Toby. Especially while not fully clothed.

“She wants to be with you, my dude, she just doesn’t think you’re ready for her,” he said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, “probably in a few different categories. Plus she’s obviously not ready for you either. But she probably doesn’t want y’all to be weird around each other in the meantime...”

“Well, it makes sense that I should learn how to navigate different forms of relationships before starting such a complex one with Paige. It’s uh logical for her to want me to make friends, especially with non-geniuses so I may get a better understanding of how they, and therefore she, view the world,” he said, almost hitting Ray with his gestures. Still, neither one of them moved. Walter didn’t want to embarrass himself or Ray by inching away, which he knew would happen since he wasn’t exactly stealthy. Besides, Ray still smelled like cookies.

“But she could have told you to go make friends in general, but instead she suggested me specifically. Out of all people! Why do you think that is?” Ray asked, putting his pointer fingers up to his lips in a mock serious thinking pose.

“I assumed it was because you helped save Sylvester’s life and she thought you were friendly enough, but I have a feeling you have a different conjuncture,” he chuckled. Walter couldn’t help but be amused by how the morning had turned out. Plus, all of Ray’s ear to ear smiles seemed to be slightly infectious. It was hard to take any of it seriously when Ray didn’t seem to take anything seriously.

“Actually, I have a hypothesis,” Ray said, leaning forward so he was the closest he could be to Walter without actually touching him. Walter, who decided not to point out that he was pronouncing the word wrong or that a conjuncture actually was a hypothesis, suddenly found an explanation for what was happening.

“She wants me to have experience being in some sort of successful relationship before she takes such a big chance on us. So she picked you because she thinks you’re nice...and not a woman, which I assume is to try to lessen the possibility of jealousy?” Walter breathed, having to actually look down at Ray due to how close they were standing. “And when you said she didn’t want things to be ‘weird’ with us in the meantime you meant because...our physical attraction to each other not being satisfied?”

“Plus, I don’t work for you and live a largely uncomplicated life,” Ray said casually, shrugging and taking a step back. “We maaaay have had a little heart to heart on the way back from the jail. I must just have one of those faces that get people to open up or something.”

“As much as I hate to admit it…” Walter sighed, more than glad that his brain works faster than 99.9% of the population, “It does make logical sense. In some kind of...vastly bizarre way.”

“Really?” Ray lit up and the look on his face made Walter feel, well...something. “Because I like you, man. You’re weird.”

“I’M weird?” he said, not succeeding once so ever in hiding his laughter. 

“Well, yeah,” Ray said, surprised. “You’re like super smart and you run a business, man, but you don’t really talk down to me. It’s weird. You’re weird, dude.”

“You’re in your underwear in the middle of the road, covered in Crisco and trying to convince a man who doesn’t believe in romantic love to...what, date you? For once in my life I feel normal, at least in comparison.”

“Oh no no no no, Wally, buddy, pal, you misunderstand my words, broseph,” Ray laughed, stepping forward to return to his excitingly claustrophobic spot in front of Walter. “Paige doesn’t want me to DATE you. She wants me to fuck the stress out of you.”

“I...I don’t understand,” Walter said, barely above a whisper.

“It’s an experiment,” Ray said, eyes flickering to Walter’s lips, “We got to talking about needing to test hypotheses with experiments. Her’s is that you two can act on your more physical feelings for one another but go back to normal if it doesn’t end happily. Mine is that you’re even weirder in the sheets than you are on the stree--”

Walter would later say he just wanted to shut him up and that him closing the space between them to crash his lips upon Ray’s had nothing to do with him or with Paige. It was all for a moment of silence. Ray would say it was because when he was talking he brushed his junk against Walter’s leg. Paige didn’t care either way.

Walter hungrily took Ray’s face in his hands, half hoping to try to recover some control of this situation he had been tricked into and half hoping that the abrasiveness of the facial hair under his touch would jolt some sense into him. Except that as Ray leaned into him, Walter couldn’t stop thinking about how logical it all seemed. It’s not as if he didn’t think about it himself over the course of the afternoon, or that he didn’t have a need Ray couldn’t fill. At the very least it would save Walter the effort of finding a suitable stranger or the boredom of doing it alone for at least a little while. If anything, it was efficient. 

Ray was smug in his kisses, grinning into them and pushing Walter back up against his car. It was the searing heat of the sun scorched metal against his clothed back that jolted him from the ‘what’ of it all to the ‘how’ and the ‘where’ of the situation.

“We’re in public,” he mumbled against his lips, “and you could very well be arrested for public indecency.”

“You don’t want me to break the county record for public indecency charges? I hear there’s a trophy,” Ray said, pulling away with a smirk. “We could take this back to my place, it’s super close by.”

“I am not, in any circumstance, having sexual intercourse in a Gremlin,” Walter said, sternly pointing at him like a stern teacher Ray once admired in his youth. Walter looked at his watch and groaned, then surveyed Ray’s still unclothed body and groaned again.

“What’s wrong, dude?” Ray asked, pulling Walter to him, rough fingers crawling under his shirt to explore his lower back. 

“My team should already be at the garage,” he said. It was such a strange feeling to be casually embraced, to have arms around his body without those arms attempting to kill him. He knew this what he needed to get used to if he wanted to woo Paige; he didn’t want to be this awkward around her. Walter tried to loosen his stance and rested his hands on Ray’s chest at an attempt to seem casual.

“That’s great, you can introduce me to the rest of them,” Ray said. Walter had no idea how the man slowly running his hands up his sides, hitching his shirt higher and higher, could conduct a normal conversation or keep his normal happy-go-lucky grin on his face.

“Uh, we are definitely not doing that,” he said, begrudgingly breaking free of Ray’s embrace.

“C’mon man, I bet you have a super sweet super secret HQ,” Ray whined, “I bet there’s even lasers! Are there lasers? Tell me there’s lasers.”

“Tell you what,” Walter said, fishing for a pen through the open window of his car, “if you would like a, uh, tour of the garage you can show up at this address after 10 tonight.” 

Walter felt childish writing his address on Ray’s palm, especially since Ray beamed at him the entire time. It did give Walter a slight twinge of satisfaction as he thought back to his teenaged years and the utter lack of social interaction. He blamed this feeling on spending too much time with Toby, who was eternally stuck in high school. He capped the pen and let Ray wrap his arms around his waist. Their kiss tasted like unspoken hope that neither one of them changed their mind before nightfall.

“Oh, and by the way,” Walter said, opening his car door and looking at Ray with a smirk, “we do have lasers.”

-

It was odd, but Walter trusted Ray, which is probably why he went into the day’s case without a head full of emotional distractions. He knew there was no danger in forming untetherable emotional bonds with Ray and now he knew that a future with Paige was possible, but something she was taking into her own hands on her own terms. He knew she knew what she was doing and vowed not to stress about it.

Throughout the day he tried to count how many times she glanced at him, smiling, and it was certainly more than usual. He liked that they shared a secret, that they were both on the same page when the team was clueless.

Thankfully the glances didn’t compromise the case and they were all back at the garage packing up for the night safe and on time. It had been a good day for everyone, they solved the case and no one was arrested or hospitalized, which is really the best they could ever hope for. Walter was surprisingly pleased to see Happy and Toby teasing Sylvester together, who just rolled his eyes and ditched them and their shenanigans - probably to catch the last bus to the hospital to see Megan...which Walter was not going to think about.

Walter held up his mug of coffee to his face, but didn’t drink, just watched Paige organize her desk through the steam. He noticed the dark circles under her eyes, which he now knew better than to ask about, but focus on her content smile at listening to Toby and Happy’s verbal sparring. She shook her head to herself and smothered a grin before throwing the strap of her bag over her shoulder, turning on her heels.

He very quickly turned his body slightly and took a large gulp of far too hot coffee. Paige broke into an ear to ear grin as she noticed his embarrassment at being caught and swayed towards him. 

“Coffee? Walter, it’s almost 10 p.m.,” she playfully chastised him, “do you have a night full of...experiments ahead of you?”

“So Ray was telling the truth,” Walter said, speech a bit impaired by his burnt tongue. He was more than a little relieved that he registered her glances correctly and that he hadn’t suddenly developed an active imagination. He would have felt guilty, as if she had caught him cheating, if he learned that Paige hadn’t actually signed off on any extracurricular activities.

“He doesn’t seem the type lie about the big things, or else I wouldn’t know just way, way too much about him,” she said, amusement dancing on her face.

“You’re...enjoying this,” he observed, letting some of her amusement enter his voice.

“You’re getting better at picking up emotions,” she said happily and tucked her hair behind her ear. Walter just stared at her, not being used to this situation in any way. He was pretty sure he was the only one who’s ever been in this situation. Paige set a hand on his shoulder and looked right into his eyes.

“Please try to have fun, or at least relax, okay,” she said, giving him a look that said ‘we’re good we just need to put the sexual tension on the DL as much as possible plus you’re really tense so please get your rocks off with this man I set you up with.’ He gave a small, almost sheepish nod and she gave his shoulder a small squeeze.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” Paige said as her heels clicked away on the concrete floor, soon leaving the garage peacefully quiet...for at least 45 seconds before Ray burst through the door.

There he was standing in the entryway, his eyes not making their curious way through the strange objects scattered through the garage, but focused on Walter. Ray looked as if he had at attempted to comb his hair, which Walter assumed was a rather large gesture for him. 

Walter felt panic grip his chest when he noticed how Ray fit into the garage, his well-worn t-shirt and jeans matching the shabby decor and his easy over-confident stance a familiar one in a garage full of geniuses. 

“So, are you gonna give me the V.I.R. tour?” Ray asked as took focused, deliberate steps over to him, without ever being invited in. His eyes stayed locked in on Walter, and for once the focused attention didn’t make him uncomfortable.

Walter raised an eyebrow.

“The very important Ray tour,” he said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

In the end, Walter did give him something, but it wasn’t exactly a tour.


End file.
